A few moments ago, I was scrolling through one of my social network sites, and I saw a rape "joke." Now, I put the word joke in quotation marks because, to me, rape is not a joke. There is nothing humorous about the topic, in any way, shape, or form. No exceptions.
In the past, I have heard my peers joke about rape, sexual assault, etc. However, I was always one to bite my tongue, because I didn't want to be the, "overly sensitive person who ruins everything" (something I deeply regret now). But, after experiencing rape first-hand, I have come to realize that I am not being overly sensitive by finding these "jokes" appalling. And, for those of you who think I am being overly dramatic right now while writing this rant, well....guess what? I could care less. Because, I AM A SURVIVOR OF RAPE, AND I HAVE EVERY RIGHT TO TELL YOU YOUR JOKE ISN'T A JOKE TO ME, OR ANYONE ELSE. IT'S NOT FUNNY-----EVER.
But, here's something I have been pondering...WHY ARE RAPE JOKES FUNNY? I’m asking this rhetorically, because I’ve never heard one that was...So, let me rephrase: why are rape jokes supposedly funny?
What we grow up knowing about rape – if we haven’t personally experienced it – fits into a series of misconceptions and stereotypes that are ridiculous. We are not meant to take rape seriously; it is meant to be a joke, a misunderstanding, something that "happens to somebody else, out there, who possibly deserves it or even liked it". The rapist is a "frat boy", or a "crazy man in the bushes". The rape victim is "drunk and stupid and has totally had sex before". Afterwards, she is "hysterical and crying and worthless", if she isn’t a "man-hating feminist". Or, you know, maybe she gets a Lifetime show, which is an eye-rolling adventure in musical swells. Or, maybe she’s killed, so we can all focus on her muscular boyfriend who now has a reason to seek revenge.
There is very little accessible culture that depicts rapists or rape victims as multi-faceted, complex human beings — and they all are. Furthermore, rape is not depicted as an event that has complex meanings and consequences for men or women. Rather, it’s depicted as sex to advance the plot, define a character, etc.
When rape is not depicted as a serious act, something that affects real people, something that women live with for the rest of their lives, of course, it’s not considered a serious topic. So, when we throw out rape as a topic, unless the audience has personal experience with rape, we are all thinking of some scene from a movie. Of course it generates nervous giggles, and is allowable conversation...Humor that is degrading or offensive to oppressed populations has always operated as a pressure release valve for the things we know we are not “supposed” to say or think anymore. You might not be able to say you really don’t think 1 in 4 women are actually being raped, and if they are, they probably "deserved it, and there are some circumstances where rape is okay" – but you can sure as heck make a joke about it! And if somebody objects, well, here’s the built-in beauty of an oppressive system: that somebody is probably going to be a member of the oppressed class you are mocking. And it’s very easy to dismiss the opinions of oppressed populations. If we valued the thoughts, feelings, and desires of oppressed populations, we wouldn’t be able to rationalize and minimize the rape, torture, and murder of them.
Like I mentioned before...I do not care if you, the reader, the whoever you are, thinks I am being overly dramatic...I HAVE EVERY RIGHT TO TELL YOU, OR ANYONE ELSE, THAT JOKES ABOUT RAPE ARE NOT FUNNY.
For those of you who wonder why rape victims get all "super sensitive" about rape jokes, well, this is why:
Before you’re raped, rape jokes might be uncomfortable, or they might be funny, or they might be any given thing. But after you’re raped, they are a trigger. They make you remember what was done to you. And if the joke was about something that wasn’t done to you, not in quite that way, you can really easily imagine how it would feel, because you know how something exactly like that felt. Rape jokes stop being about a thing that "happens out there, somewhere, to people who don’t really exist, and if they do they probably deserved it", and they start being about you. Rape jokes are about you. And, they can cause someone who was once on the path of healing, to completely backtrack in their progress...
Until you’ve been raped, you don’t really wake up and see how much rape is out there for the casual consumer. You don't realize how offensive your "jokes" really are. And, you don’t realize how many of the people you know and love do not take rape seriously, because they have been sucking up all the same TV shows and movies you do, and they don’t think they know a real person who has been raped.
Of course, you might tell some of them, and they can accept that. They can accept the secondary trauma, begin to start thinking of you whenever they see a rape in a movie, hear of one on the news, or hear a rape joke. Or, they can disqualify it...unfortunately, like many people do.
But, here is my challenge for those who want to tell rape jokes:
Ask every woman in your life if she has been sexually assaulted. Ask her to tell you her story. This means your mother, your sister, your girlfriend, your friend, your grandma, your aunt, your niece, etc.
Once you have heard all of their stories, go watch an old movie, show, etc. that refers to rape in some way...One you didn’t mind before. Or, go back and read the rape joke you posted that ended up on MY NEWSFEED. You know, the one you thought people were overly offended by...
Now, tell me a joke.
(I highly doubt that you will be able to. And, if you are...shame on you).
*RANT OVER*
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