"Hi everyone! My name is Stephanie, I'm from Stockton, and an interesting fact about myself is that I am the founder of the Saving Stephanie organization, which is completely dedicated to increasing awareness of sexual abuse within our communities, and advocating for survivors' and their families."
After we finished the activity, I headed to lunch, where I was approached by a boy in my group...
"Why did you start your organization, if you don't mind me asking?"
This was a question I have been asked more times than I can count, so, I gave the same response I usually do as we walked to get our food. I started by telling him that I was a survivor of sexual abuse, that I had struggled afterwards...but, after I went through the healing process, I realized that I wanted to be instrumental in helping others like myself; other survivors. As I went on and on about the Saving Stephanie organization and my passion for advocacy, the boy just listened quietly. I stopped talking, because I wasn't even sure if he was still listening, and I looked at him...He looked back at me, with tears in his eyes, and said, "I've been through the same thing as you. I was sexually assaulted, too. That's why I wanted to ask about your organization. I don't know how you do it..."
I was shocked. I asked him, "How I do what?"
"How you're so strong...why you want to help people...why you aren't bothered by it..."
Again, I was shocked, and I was speechless for a few seconds (which RARELY happens, let me tell ya...). But, I pondered what he had said, and I gave this response:
"I wasn't always strong. After my assault, I was weak. I had 'survived,' sure. But, I was at my lowest point in my life. There were days when I would wish that I never survived my attack; that he would've just killed me. There were days when I was so depressed, so scared, and so ashamed, that I can't even begin to express it in words. But, one day I got up, I looked in the mirror, and I realized...'I am better than this.' So, I stopped fighting everyone, I stopped fighting treatment, and I stopped fighting my feelings. I forced myself to come to terms with every emotion, and I worked through it. It wasn't easy. Actually, it was the most difficult thing I have ever endured in my life. But, I came out stronger. I came out a true survivor...not someone who was just 'living'. I became someone who was empowered by my circumstances; who thrives because of them. I am, and will forever be grateful for my abuse, because I would have still been weak without it. I am a better person because of it. And yeah, there's days that suck. There's day when I have triggers, flashbacks, you name it. But, I get through it. And, you know why I do? Because of people like you. I wake up every morning, and I tell myself, 'Healing is not a race...it's okay if you struggle today, as long as you keep fighting, Stephanie.' I don't fight for me. I fight for you, and for survivors everywhere. And, when I meet people like you, I realize the fight is worth it, and I can't give up."
Needless to say, we both needed tissues after our conversation. And, I have made a new friend, who seemed confident in his decision to begin the healing process (highlight of my orientation).
Before I left orientation, I made sure to meet with him again, and my last words to him were, "Healing is a journey. Take your time." Sometimes it can be discouraging, especially seeing others who seem, "stronger" than you. I remember feeling like I would never, "get better." But, you can't let that mentality take over. You are good enough, and you can keep fighting. No matter how hard it gets, keep fighting.
Trust me...it's worth it.
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